Tag: attitude

Gratitude, Always

There is tired, and then there’s tired. The kind of tired you feel when you have done way more than there is time for, more than you’d planned, and are sleep deprived on top of it all. It’s the kind of tired you feel when you have to tuck your chin down, keep your feet moving and focus only on the task in front of you.

“Just one more thing. Just get through this,” I told myself as I daydreamed of sleep, looking forward to when this was all over. The truck was getting packed, little by little. The ultimate adult Tetris game being playing by my master-packer husband as oddly shaped belongings filled tiny niches here and there. I wondered as we do every move about the necessity of so much stuff.

For a person who really doesn’t like moving (and the associated stress), it’s ironic that we are a military family. There are aspects about it that I do enjoy; the setting up of a new house, arranging things, and the adventure of it . The part I detest? The packing and the cleaning of the old house. All the nitty gritty cleaning – baseboards, windows, blinds, and ovens. Not my favorite at all.

This move is hitting our little deep-feeler daughter hard. She is very melancholy, expressing her desire to go back to Texas as that is the only home she really remembers. I comfort her the best I can and remind her that it’s okay to feel yucky and whatever which way she feels about all of this. That feelings are what they are and the best way to get through these patches is to just wade right into them and feel them. You can’t avoid the bitter-sweetness, the frustration, and the sadness. The only way is to go through.

Our last night in the mostly-empty house, we did what we usually do. We read a bit of our book, currently book 3 of The Chronicles of Narnia. As I finished, nestled between 2 kids and 3 dogs in our king bed, both kiddos wanted to chat instead of the usual pleading of ‘just one more chapter!’

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked.

“The move,” my daughter quietly replied. The volume of her voice inversely proportionate to the weight of what’s on her heart and mind.

Ever putting the positive spin on hard things, I reminded myself of what I’d explained to her earlier, that the only way through hard things, is to go through them.

“Okay, how about this,” I prompted, “What if we start by each saying 3 things that really suck about moving?”

“YES!!!” they both giggled and begged to be the first to rattle off their yuck list. Hannah asked to swear out loud once. Why not? If that’s how you feel, get it out!

Their frustrations and heartaches vented, as well as mine, we moved on to our gratitude list, things we are thankful for or that give us comfort. All of us agreed the dogs are at the top of that list. Jacob was thankful for his computer and Minecraft, as always. Hannah snuggled in close and ticked off her list.

Exhausting their lists, it was my turn. My over-tired mind contemplated the things I was grateful for. There were so many things. “I’m thankful for the way homeschooling has opened up our schedule to more flexibility,” I began. “I love that no matter what four walls surround us, be it a hotel room, a new house in a different state, home is where the 7 of us are.” They nodded their agreement.

As they drifted off to the last sleep in our house, I was thinking of the tiny little rambler that fit us so well. The morning sun I’d marveled at as it streamed in across the floor each morning, the proximity to the beach, walking paths lined with jacaranda trees and birds of paradise, and a large back yard for the dogs flooded my sleepy brain. A hardworking husband that continued packing well into the wee hours of the night, the ability to see that we were making progress, and the knowledge that this phase doesn’t last forever all came to mind.

“Thank you,” I whispered to the quiet house. “Thank you.”

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Eeyore by Nature?

Hiking Kokohead while living in Hawaii was a wonderful experience, but not for the obvious reasons.

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The view was beyond beautiful overlooking Hanauma Bay. Being able to lookout over the marathon course from that perspective was mind-blowing. Hiking it with a dear friend makes it a forever treasured memory. The encounter we had with a man who hikes (runs!) this trail 3 times a day changed how I view not only this particular hike, but life in general. Seriously? A conversation with a stranger changes your life? Well, sort of. Perhaps life-changing is a bit extreme, but it brought to light a shift in perspective to which I refer often.

As we were going up, the man was coming down rapidly. Sprinting is a more accurate description. My friend and I marveled at his speed and asked him, “Don’t you worry about falling?” He replied grinning, “I think differently. I don’t think about falling.”

This little exchange comes back to me frequently. The daily prompt title was “Make Me Smile” and asked to discuss things that make us happy. While not exactly that specific topic, I immediately thought of this hiker and his wise words on perspective.

When we look at our Twitter feeds, Facebook walls, or even conversations with our friends, are our words peppered with complaints, sighs, and general negativity? If someone you didn’t know was to read everything you posted online, what would be their perspective? When spending time with friends, how do you come away feeling? Uplifted and content, or heavy and burdened?  If we focus on the negative things in life, that’s what we will attract to ourselves.

I’m not saying that every day is rainbows and kittens and life is always pleasant, because it’s not. Not by a long shot. Crap happens and life is messy. In general though, do we go through life complaining, resisting what is, or do we adapt and look for the good, seeking out joy despite circumstances? For some of us, I think it may come a bit easier as it’s in our nature to be positive, and in turn, if the natural tendency is negative, that’s what flows most freely.

What about you? What’s your perspective? Do you look at the world with a perpetual glass-half-full viewpoint or do you look for the negative, complain, but don’t really know why?  Perhaps it’s time to “think differently” like my hiker friend!

V-8 Running

With a 5 mile training run to do today, I had to make the decision to either trudge along on the treadmill again (I’ve been doing that all week and I really don’t like it, but it’s a necessary evil at times) or brave the weather and do an outside run.

Let’s just say that this old 80’s commercial of the sideways walking dude was EXACTLY what I looked like trying to run in the 20+ mph wind today. Running along the sea wall, the ocean was literally slamming the rocks and splashing up over the sidewalk! It was funny, and I actually laughed and giggled at what a ridiculous sight I must’ve been. As I type this a few hours later, it’s still windy but the rain has stopped and the sun has decided to finally appear, if only for a moment. Go figure.

While running, leaping over puddles, and trying to breathe as the wind gusts literally made it difficult to get air into my lungs, I kept thinking about how this pursuit of fitness, and even a single run can be such a metaphor for life.

Everyone has hardships, life throws curveballs and unexpected events happen. It’s part of life. In a military family, we deal with all the same stuff as our civilian counterparts, but often it’s while our spouse is away. We have to say goodbye (again) to dear friends, and teach our children, as well as ourselves, to continue to keep an open heart even at the risk of it breaking.

We all have a backstory and hardships to bear, and it’s important to not compare life’s hurts. There is no “I have it so bad” because really, do we ever really know what someone else is walking through? Or if they have the skills to deal with what life can throw?

While running sideways, V-8 style, rain pelting me in the face and trying to keep my feet underneath me, it occurred to me that life is the same way. I can either choose to sit on the sidewalk, bury my head in my lap and get rained on, or I can do the best I can – put my head forward and run into the wind with the best of my abilities. I can’t control the weather or life, but I can control how I react to it. It always boils down to a choice.

Today I chose to run into the wind. It was a great run, I felt good and what started as a 5 mile training run that I wasn’t looking forward to, turned into a fun and windy 10k.

It was a good day to run outside. Even if it was a little stormy!

Do you prefer treadmills to cold weather conditions?

How About It?

How about we all just stop for a minute.

I am a “Fan” and “Like” various fitness groups on Facebook and read a few fitness and running blogs on a regular basis. Heck, I even write for a fitness blog. But I’m more and more discouraged about the negative tone of what I’ve been reading lately. Pinterest abounds with pins of models posing all greased up next to barbells with the caption: “Strong is the New Skinny”. What I want to know is – have we traded one ideal for another? How about we celebrate what OUR bodies can do? Instead of comparing ourselves to the models on magazine covers, how about we stop striving to look like anyone but the best version of ourselves? Wouldn’t it be better to ditch the scale (which isn’t a complete picture anyway) and focus on the amazing things of which our strong bodies are capable? Could we stop looking for instant fixes in the forms of pills and boxes? Why don’t we shift the focus from simple vanity and looking this way or that way, to teaching our kids health? Let’s teach our kids health in the complete sense of the word: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual; not just obsessing over numbers and exercising compulsively.

I saw this today:

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Words have power. They carry weight. (Yes, pun intended.) I don’t know about you, I think there is enough negative crap thrown at us in terms of body image, what we SHOULD look like, what we SHOULD do, and how we SHOULD do it – I don’t need this kind of “motivation”. I find this disrespectful and negative. How about we ditch the name calling and the bullying – of ourselves. Yes, it’s supposed to be humorous, and light-hearted, but at the end of the day – I am always more inspired and motivated by truth, honesty and positivity.

How about we try some of these words instead:

Accomplishment

Goals

Achievement

Pride

Exhilaration

Joy

Breathlessness

Passion

Integrity

Compassion

Truth

How about it?

Dear Straight Mom of a Curly Kid…

Dear SM (Straight Mom) –

She hears you sighing when you attempt to brush her curls. She hears your comments about her “rats’ nest”. She’s listening. She hears you.

She gets the message.

So let’s change it.

First, since you don’t have curls, there will be a bit of a learning curve. Please check out sites like these: naturallycurly.com (reviews of products in all price ranges and more!) or Deva (product and how-to videos!).

Educate yourself, so you can educate her on how to best take care of her tresses. The Deva site also has sample questions to ask a prospective stylist! Curly hair can (and should) be cut dry. To quote Lorraine Massey, “We don’t wear our hair wet. Why should we cut it that way?” Many stylists will underestimate the shrink factor. The hair dries, and what was thought to be a trim actually chopped off 4 inches!

Then figure out what type of curls she has…curly, kinky, etc. Then based on that – find out what products work best for that specific type of curl. All curly types need hydration. Shampoo is dehydrating. Look for hair cleansers with no sulfates and no parabens. You want something with NO lather. There is no magic in lather. I use DevaCare No Poo, but there are quite a few no/low lather cleansers on the market.

Throw away the brush. Curls should not be brushed out. (Okay, maybe for Halloween, but that’s about it!) No longer are we in the Marsha Brady world of 1000 brush strokes for hair health! I don’t own a brush. Keep a wide-tooth comb that in the shower and ONLY use it with conditioner in those locks.

Marcia Brady brushing hairCondition, condition, condition! Curly hair is thirsty hair! A great conditioner makes all the difference. It will help to keep frizz at bay and help the hair hold styling product much better.

A curl defining product is a must. This can be a gel, creme, or a spray – or a combo of all of the above. On my two-year-old, I’m not going to slather her curls in gel, but I do use Ouidad’s Botanical Boost. It gives a bit of curl definition and helps to detangle out of the shower/bath. I use Deva’s ArcAnGel on my own hair and really like the hold. Not too much crunch, but some definition. On days that are humid, or when I used to live in Hawaii, I liked Tigi’s Curls Rock styling creme.

Above all else, give your curly kid the tools to help her look and feel her best. Don’t add negativity to what she already may be feeling about herself. We may think “it’s just hair”, but it’s not. It does go deeper.

Final deep curly thought:

“I often have the fantasy that curly girls are mermaids who have had to adapt to life on dry land. We come from the sea. The ocean is in our blood. It sings through our heart and lungs, our skin and hair. Our curls require the nourishment only a watery environment can provide. Both ocean waves and curly hair are forces of nature that can’t be tamed. We can only accept and admire their power and beauty.” Lorraine Massey, author of Curly Girl: The Handbook.

Go forth and be curly!

To the….

To the friends who inspired and paved the way…

To the trainer who believed in me and my abilities before I could believe in myself…

To the friends who didn’t laugh when I told them what I wanted to do…

To the friends who walked and ran beside me as we cheered each other on…

To those that took the time to say a few kind words, drop a line, or call to say, “You’ve inspired me.”

To the friends that taught me how to be a friend and what true friendship looks like…

To the marathon: being able to say, “yeah, I ran a marathon, I can handle this”…..

To the fear, and the courage to proceed anyway….

To shows like The Biggest Loser for motivation and inspiration…

To the deployment that frustrated, stalled, and detoured me…

To the technology to keep in touch with accountability partners, friends and my husband…

To this body that continually surprises me with its capacity for strength..

To Facebook peeps who tolerate my exercise vomit…and food pics…

To the constantly improving weather as we head into spring…

Thank you.

Thank you.

To the gremlin voice who still rears its ugly head: thank you for the criticism that propels me forward…just to prove you wrong. I am doing the damn thing and my goals WILL be achieved.

Watch me!

Make It Work

If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way. If it’s not, you’ll find an excuse.

I love this saying so much as it applies to fitness, healthy eating, as well as just life in general for all the things we don’t do but know we should.

As we begin unpacking in our new home it is very clear that whoever built this house measured once but didn’t bother to cut twice! (Being the daughter of a meticulous builder probably doesn’t help as little things seem to jump out at me!!)

The door coming into the laundry room from the garage for example cannot be opened at all if the dryer is in place, so the dryer sits out 6 inches. And really, who puts a WOOD backsplash behind a sink in a bathroom??! Moist air, water and wood do not mix!! And don’t even get me started on the MICROSCOPIC kitchen! We were SO spoiled in Hawaii!

While the imperfections of this house are comical and not what I would choose, I realize that these are completely 1st world problems, And further, that the positives FAR outweigh the negatives. We have a GINORMOUS backyard! Lots of room for the kids to play and roam around. I will be able to plant a big garden. We have a gas fireplace for chilly days (so cozy!) We have 4 bedrooms so we’ll have ample storage space. There is lots of light, new carpet, and a great neighborhood. We are 3 minutes from my parents, the grocery store and the freeway. There is no traffic here – my kids won’t have to sit in the car for an hour to go 4 miles! Great running/biking trails abound! (It really goes on and on so I will stop here so as not to make you green with envy! 😉

The way I see it, I have a choice. I can choose to be negative about all the things that this place isn’t, or I can choose to be positive, make it a home for our family and make it work.

We are happily making it work! 😉 Even though it’s cold (snowed last night) if exercise is important I will find a way to make that work too! Here’s to no excuses and making it ALL work!

Attitude

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

Same thing goes for 3 year old boys and food.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my attitude and how it’s pretty much stunk up the place lately. We I am having (ha, ha!) trouble at times with my son and food, among other things, and how to handle transitioning out of diapers, and other “power struggles” etc. Lately I feel negative and focused on what he isn’t doing yet, instead of what he has done and the progress he has made. And I get frustrated with myself when I’m in a cycle like that. Just like running – the highs are great, and those lows are tough!
But after gaining some new insights and reading a couple of other parenting blogs, I think I’m headed back to a good direction. The common thread through this little epiphany is MY attitude. As soon as my attitude shifted, so did his. My demeanor changed, and so did his. As soon as I stopped being a harpee about food – it stopped being an issue. (This is not to say that I throw my hands up in the air, say I give up and let him eat chocolate all day. Although he would very much like to do just that!) But I’m working hard on not being such a nag. And I’m noticing that he is responding way better than if I hen peck the poor kid to death.
I know he’ll probably not want to try my latest and greatest kitchen concoctions anytime soon, but at least for now we are learning to give and take and not sweat the small stuff.
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