Tag: self image

How About It?

How about we all just stop for a minute.

I am a “Fan” and “Like” various fitness groups on Facebook and read a few fitness and running blogs on a regular basis. Heck, I even write for a fitness blog. But I’m more and more discouraged about the negative tone of what I’ve been reading lately. Pinterest abounds with pins of models posing all greased up next to barbells with the caption: “Strong is the New Skinny”. What I want to know is – have we traded one ideal for another? How about we celebrate what OUR bodies can do? Instead of comparing ourselves to the models on magazine covers, how about we stop striving to look like anyone but the best version of ourselves? Wouldn’t it be better to ditch the scale (which isn’t a complete picture anyway) and focus on the amazing things of which our strong bodies are capable? Could we stop looking for instant fixes in the forms of pills and boxes? Why don’t we shift the focus from simple vanity and looking this way or that way, to teaching our kids health? Let’s teach our kids health in the complete sense of the word: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual; not just obsessing over numbers and exercising compulsively.

I saw this today:

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Words have power. They carry weight. (Yes, pun intended.) I don’t know about you, I think there is enough negative crap thrown at us in terms of body image, what we SHOULD look like, what we SHOULD do, and how we SHOULD do it – I don’t need this kind of “motivation”. I find this disrespectful and negative. How about we ditch the name calling and the bullying – of ourselves. Yes, it’s supposed to be humorous, and light-hearted, but at the end of the day – I am always more inspired and motivated by truth, honesty and positivity.

How about we try some of these words instead:

Accomplishment

Goals

Achievement

Pride

Exhilaration

Joy

Breathlessness

Passion

Integrity

Compassion

Truth

How about it?

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Dear Straight Mom of a Curly Kid…

Dear SM (Straight Mom) –

She hears you sighing when you attempt to brush her curls. She hears your comments about her “rats’ nest”. She’s listening. She hears you.

She gets the message.

So let’s change it.

First, since you don’t have curls, there will be a bit of a learning curve. Please check out sites like these: naturallycurly.com (reviews of products in all price ranges and more!) or Deva (product and how-to videos!).

Educate yourself, so you can educate her on how to best take care of her tresses. The Deva site also has sample questions to ask a prospective stylist! Curly hair can (and should) be cut dry. To quote Lorraine Massey, “We don’t wear our hair wet. Why should we cut it that way?” Many stylists will underestimate the shrink factor. The hair dries, and what was thought to be a trim actually chopped off 4 inches!

Then figure out what type of curls she has…curly, kinky, etc. Then based on that – find out what products work best for that specific type of curl. All curly types need hydration. Shampoo is dehydrating. Look for hair cleansers with no sulfates and no parabens. You want something with NO lather. There is no magic in lather. I use DevaCare No Poo, but there are quite a few no/low lather cleansers on the market.

Throw away the brush. Curls should not be brushed out. (Okay, maybe for Halloween, but that’s about it!) No longer are we in the Marsha Brady world of 1000 brush strokes for hair health! I don’t own a brush. Keep a wide-tooth comb that in the shower and ONLY use it with conditioner in those locks.

Marcia Brady brushing hairCondition, condition, condition! Curly hair is thirsty hair! A great conditioner makes all the difference. It will help to keep frizz at bay and help the hair hold styling product much better.

A curl defining product is a must. This can be a gel, creme, or a spray – or a combo of all of the above. On my two-year-old, I’m not going to slather her curls in gel, but I do use Ouidad’s Botanical Boost. It gives a bit of curl definition and helps to detangle out of the shower/bath. I use Deva’s ArcAnGel on my own hair and really like the hold. Not too much crunch, but some definition. On days that are humid, or when I used to live in Hawaii, I liked Tigi’s Curls Rock styling creme.

Above all else, give your curly kid the tools to help her look and feel her best. Don’t add negativity to what she already may be feeling about herself. We may think “it’s just hair”, but it’s not. It does go deeper.

Final deep curly thought:

“I often have the fantasy that curly girls are mermaids who have had to adapt to life on dry land. We come from the sea. The ocean is in our blood. It sings through our heart and lungs, our skin and hair. Our curls require the nourishment only a watery environment can provide. Both ocean waves and curly hair are forces of nature that can’t be tamed. We can only accept and admire their power and beauty.” Lorraine Massey, author of Curly Girl: The Handbook.

Go forth and be curly!

Dear Curly Girl

Dear Curly Girl,

Where do I even start?

I, too, was made fun of because of my hair. I was called all the not-so-nice nicknames, and know that it sucks being ridiculed about something over which you have no control. It stinks and it’s frustrating because no matter how you try – they are what they are: curls. They can be unruly, wild, frizz-filled strands with what seems like minds of their own. (Often going in opposing directions!)

Being mocked at the bus stop daily isn’t a great way to endure middle school. High school was a rotation of baseball caps, hair ties and my good friend the banana clip. Like yours, my tresses have been coiled, straightened, blow-fried, brushed, braided, juice-can rolled, flat ironed, chemically ‘relaxed’, and dyed. I’ve cried after leaving the salon, too. (When the only person that thinks your hair is beautiful is your 65 year old hair dresser, it’s not a good sign.)

To be fair, growing up in the 80s/early 90’s puts a person at a disadvantage from the start. I mean, really!? Hammer pants? Yes, I did in fact have a pair. (Okay, I had 4, but who’s counting?!)

U Can't Touch This
U Can’t Touch This (Photo credit: Enokson)

And let’s not forget our friend, the mullet. Oy. (Yes, I basically had one of those, too.)

my 1980s mullet shame
my 1980s mullet shame (Photo credit: Anosmia)

It doesn’t help that the majority of media and advertising messages push the idea that attractive/sexy = sleek and straight. Between the people you know thinking you are a freak and the message of the media – what’s a curly girl to do?

Until my mid 20’s, I fought my curls every step of the way and even made the fatal mistake of asking a boyfriend, “What one thing would you change about me, if you could?” He, without hesitating, said, “Your hair.”

Ouch.

(Yes, it was dumb of me to ask.)

I straightened my hair for one of the first dates I had with my husband. He looked at it and said, “It’s not you. It looks fine, but it’s just not you.”

He was one of the first people to not suggest or encourage me to straighten my hair. (I knew then that he was a keeper!) It may sound silly to think about hair as such an issue, but you and I both know how deep this curly thing goes. You and I (and most other curly girls) have many stories of how this mane has shaped and defined us. In one way or another, we’ve had to come to terms with who we are as curlies. Do we go with the flow or continue to change into something we are not?

It is a big deal.

It has been years since my strands have been straightened. I have grown to love my curls and have learned so much from sites such as naturallycurly.com, Ouidad, and Deva.

It gets better, Curly Girl. Product, knowledge, and a good stylist are priceless!

When you have curly daughters, teach them to love their hair and work with it, not against it. They are going to get enough of the opposite message as it is. Find good product. Throw away those brushes. Embrace your hair and embrace who you are, and teach her to do the same.

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