Tag: Brene Brown

Mishmash and Miscellany

We have rounded out the second week of school in our neck of the woods and it has been busy, as usual. Here’s the mishmash rundown…

My dear hubby thought what better way to start off the back to school season than with a school of fish?! Eric texts me from the pet store, where he was purchasing items for the pets we already have, and says, “The kids would like fish**.” I reply back, “NO. NO NO NO.”

**Later it was discovered that it wasn’t the kids who wanted the fish, it was Eric, and the kids wholeheartedly agreed.

He comes home with this:

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Fish?! Apparently it’s a yes!

I have to admit, the kids dig it. They are excited to get up and check on them each morning. (They check on them every morning now because the first school of finned friends were floating the first morning.)

I’ve been doing some reading. There are seriously not enough hours to read all the books I want to read! Fiction, non-fiction, text books, you name it – I want to read it! Here’s just a small sampling of what is on my short list:

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I just finished Rising Strong by Brene Brown. LOVE. If you read The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, this is the next steps or the How-To manual for getting back up after falling. (HIGHLY recommend all Brene’s books!)

Speaking of falling…I sprained my ankle last weekend. In the middle of a 12 miler out and back. Mile 6 I catch a concealed dip in the grassy area along side the sidewalk. No, I did not bring my phone. I had to walk/jog it all the way back. Did I mention it was on a busy street? With cars driving by? Yeah, there was an audience as I totally twisted my ankle, went down on all fours in slow motion. Rocks digging into my palms, grit in my teeth, me and my bruised ego got back up and walked a bit before attempting to jog slowly on it. There were not-so-nice words spoken uttered spat as I kept moving forward.

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My swollen ankle. I can put weight on it. Doc says to stop running for 2 weeks, then marathon training will resume!

Hannah is enjoying kinder and has been “on green” all week (their behavior-color change system) and got to go to her class treasure box and picked out this gem!

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Not quite sure who this crazy is in my car! I thought I had picked up my daughter from school, but when I turned around I couldn’t find her!

Finally, we have entered the phase of extra-curricular activities. We dabbled in a bit of little league with Jacob a couple of years ago (herding cats, anyone?!) but he didn’t really dig it. We do believe that if we start a season, we finish it. So we make very sure when we commit, it’s something we really really want to do. (And that includes Eric and I!)

What I love (so far) about the Boy Scouts is the commitment to getting outdoors, as well as the community outreach component. All in a non-competitive environment. (No, competition isn’t a bad thing. I just like that it’s not a focus.) The kids earn their badges and their awards, all while learning, camping and experiencing other nature-based activities. They are in competition with themselves. (Which is also why I love the running community so much.)

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Could he be any cuter?! (The hubby isn’t bad either!)
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His first little Tiger uniform. In first grade they are Tigers. How appropriate since Eric’s childhood nickname was Tiger.
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Just love..and a dog begging for some fetch!

Now it is Friday. Ahhh, Friday. No homework, some games of Uno and Trouble are on the agenda. Spin this weekend, some fun training clients – and perhaps some holiday waterslides to cap it all off!

Happy 3-day Weekend!

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Tattoo Part Two

Since leaving Hawaii, I knew that I wanted to help people. To help people do what I did, and I’m not just talking about losing weight. Fitness is the vehicle, but more than that, I wanted to help people discover their own strength. To help moms see that being a martyr and giving without ceasing helps no one in the long run. That it’s more than okay to take care of yourself – in fact it’s necessary. That it’s healthy to show our kids what self care looks like in action. They learn more from what we do and how we treat ourselves than just lip service. As the cliche goes, actions speak louder than words.

But wanting to become a trainer and help people and actually doing it are very different things. I even blogged about having a big dream, but was too afraid to specifically articulate it publicly at that point. Dreams are scary. What if I fail? What if I am no good?

What kept nagging at the back of my mind was, “But oh my, what if you succeed?!”

Up until last year, getting certified and becoming a personal trainer was something I would do “someday”. Maybe next year. Maybe when the deployment is over. When “life isn’t so busy”. (As if it’s ever NOT busy!?) Someday. Truth? The truth is I was scared. Petrified. What if I don’t pass the certification test? What if I suck as a personal trainer? What if I can’t find a job? And the “What ifs…” go on and on.

I made a decision at the beginning of the year to make this one a year of action. I was going to stop talking about doing stuff someday, and just go do it already. Enough procrastination. Sink or swim, this dream of mine wasn’t going to go anywhere so I better lace up and start chasing it. Even if I was afraid.

I got my first tattoo a few years ago. Personally, it’s not an impulsive thing to decide to get a tattoo. I like having significance or a story behind it, or to bookmark an event or chapter in life. This year of action has been an important next chapter. This year has been one of, as Theodore Roosevelt called it and Brene Brown discussed further; “getting into the arena”:

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It’s also been a year of being afraid, nervous, but moving forward regardless. It’s been one of turning fear into fierce.

In addition to the theme of “Action Despite Fear”, there were a couple of other components that made this tattoo selection seem almost a forgone conclusion:

As a Christian, I love C.S. Lewis’ The Chronicles of Narnia. It is a beautiful allegory of faith, grace, unconditional love, touching on themes of courage and fear and what that looks like in life. I also love the film adaptations and am thrilled that my kiddos love it as much as I do.

My Hair. Through school I was called names and made fun of because of these crazy tresses, this wild unruly mane that I have only truly embraced over the last decade or so. (Thank goodness for great hair products!)

Astrological Sign. I’m not a huge proponent of astrology, but it does pique my curiosity as some of the general descriptions are pretty close. Mine happens to be Leo.

After considering all of these things and thinking about it for a few months, this is what I came up with:

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The butterfly represented the change. The lion represents living out those changes, even when it’s hard. Even when it’s scary. I can say I chased my dream. I get to get up and do something I am unabashedly passionate about.

Fear into fierce.

Have a tattoo? What’s the story behind your ink?

Daring Greatly

I’ve mentioned before how much I admire, and have learned from, the author of Daring Greatly, Brene Brown. I am watching her on an episode of Lifeclass and am reminded again about the power of vulnerability.

After receiving a call to interview for a Spin Instructor position at a local gym, I did my requisite freak out-happy-dance-squeal-high-five-my-friend-who-happened-to-be-here-when-the-call-came thing. But shortly after that, I began having the same doubts and negative thoughts, “Can I do this?”

In her book, Brene calls them shame gremlins. And oh boy, do they rear their heads at me when I’m scared, trying something new, or putting myself out there – as in getting up in front of people to lead them in a class.

Always, always I have to remind myself that every single time I’ve been vulnerable it has never returned void. Whether it is the creativity in my writing, opening up to new people, or teaching – it never returns void when I remember the following:

1. I have to be authentic. When I stop emulating others or putting on the “armor” of what I think people want – it works. And contrary to the gremlins, the world does not, in fact, end.

2. When people continually encourage you, it’s really good to start believing them. I’m not talking about flattery and “rah, rah you got this”-type cheerleading. It’s in the trenches, empathy, gut-wrenching, hand-gripping, awe-inspiring moments when people take the time to tell you how they really feel and what they really think about you. It’s thoughtful, true constructive criticism with a whole lotta love.

3. I can’t be comfortable and courageous at the same time. Brene spoke about the moment when our hand is on the arena door, we are about to step into some hard-core vulnerability by putting ourselves out there and being seen, and all the self doubt comes rolling. It’s uncomfortable, it’s gut-churning, I call it the “transitions”. I’m the type of person that just likes to know things before I know them. A to Z without the yucky uncomfortable process of the other letters.

The thing of it is, if I skip the transitions, shy away from the door, and decide to stay where I’m at, I never get to feel the joy, the exhilaration, and the victory of the arena. I’ll stay comfortable. It would be easier. It wouldn’t be so terrifying. (Read: vomit-inducing).

My hand is on the door. I’m walking through it. It’s scary to be sure. I will likely get my butt kicked in the transition-yucky-learning curve arena. But I’m going to get up and keep walking through that door.

It’s never returned void.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.”
― Brené Brown

“I can’t be paralyzed anymore by the critics. My new mantra is, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, then I’m not interested in your feedback. You don’t get to sit in the cheat seat and criticize my appearance or my work with mean-spiritedness if you’re also not in the arena. Now, if you’re also in the arena and you’re putting your ideas out and you’re owning them and you’re saying “I disagree with you about this and that, I think you’ve got this wrong” — then not only do I invite that, I freaking love that. I love that. I’m an academic. I’m hardwired for a good debate.”― Brené Brown

Pee and some other stuff…

The minions were playing in the wading pool, splashing and having all kinds of watery springtime fun in their bathing suits. I had made some lemonade for us and laid out a little blanket to lay on and watch them play. Awe… my little beautiful babies. I love the spring and summer.

Hannah decides she wants wants to snuggle so I let her climb on my back (I was laying down, leisurely sipping my drink.) She lays down to give me a “back hug” and then proceeds to pee on me.

Really?!

Maybe that’s just motherhood.  Loving them even when they pee all over you!

Later my day turned around after a phone call similar to this one expanding my ‘lil writing gig into something a bit more. (YAHOO! And yes, I am still doing in-the-air-heel clicks!) I believe things happen for a reason,whether we know it or not. I also believe when we dare greatly, as Brene Brown writes about, it opens us up to new opportunities.

I love to write, but have never been confident in doing it to be published or writing the next best seller. While I hesitated for so long to call my self a “real runner”, I have the same issue with calling myself a “writer”. (And let’s face it, I’m a navy wife and work from home mom – what spare time do I have to write a novel?! Seriously, I’m in my 30s. I don’t feel like I have enough life experience to wax philosophical about anything, let alone write about it! I’m too busy living life and figuring it out as I go.) But, yet, the creativity is there and this little blog has been the outlet.

In pulling back the curtain of “perfect”, my “having it all together-ness”, I started writing. As they say, you should write only what you know. What I know is this – this life of navigating motherhood, being a military wife, sometimes having a life, and through all of it, pursuing joy and authenticity. By writing, I expose (perhaps on occasion, over share) myself. But, as a partial result, it led to another writing deal. Which led to another. And here I am writing about yet another opportunity.

When I do things (even if it scares me), such as daring to be open and write about the silly stuff of life, or my struggles, it leads to other things, such as new and deepened friendships, a shared connection with a stranger over a particular post, amazing opportunities, a connectedness of “we’re all in this together”,  and a crazy dose of deep joy. Things that I really hadn’t anticipated.

What I’m discovering over and over is that even when it’s uncomfortable and risky – it’s still worth it.

It’s all just very humbling. Not quite “peed on”-humbling. But humbling just the same.

Here’s to lemonade and daring greatly, even when it’s scary!

 

Shame Gremlins

Brene Brown discusses in her book Daring Greatly the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is about feeling bad about something done, while shame is feeling bad about the self.

Being very goal-oriented this deployment, I’ve set my sights on getting my group training certification, my spin certification, as well as running in various races and mud runs. This idea of shame keeps creeping up…enter the shame gremlins. Dr. Brown also discusses the fact that for shame to sit and fester, one has to keep quiet and keep these things secret. To dissolve shame’s power, it has to be brought out into the open.

Here are what the gremlins are saying:

“Who do you think you are? You think YOU can be a fitness instructor?!”

“You don’t follow through anything. You won’t finish it.”

“Who is going to come to you? You don’t look like an instructor!”

“What if you don’t pass the test?”

And my personal favorite:

“You aren’t good enough.”

 

So how do I combat these shame gremlins? Well, I’m calling them out. Here. Right now. Speaking out and answering back:

“I AM doing it.”

“I have been heavy, I know how hard it is to struggle with weight, food, and exercise. That makes a person relatable.”

“I finished a marathon. The person that started that race was not the same person who crossed that finish line. I am not a quitter.”

“I’ll take the test again.”

“I am enough. Watch me.”

We all deal with shame and insecurities. It’s part of this whole being human thing. How do you shut up the shame gremlins?

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