So This is What Schizophrenia Feels Like

I love to write. While I doubt I’ll be selling the next New York Times best seller anytime soon, (at least while the littles are still little), I do enjoy having a creative outlet and and entertaining the 3 people (including my parents) who think I’m “just the best”.

Recently, I was contacted to write for another blog. Words that I put into sentences, for people to read. For compensation. Really!? I think my head might just pop right off my neck. Excited doesn’t even begin to express how I am feeling. More like pee-my-pants-while-simultaneously-doing-in-the-air-heel-clicks!

Jump^ 13,435 ft
Jump^ 13,435 ft (Photo credit: CK Wong)

Part of me is feeling very Sally Field-esque  (“You like me!? You really like me!?”) The other part of me is flipping out furiously jotting notes and mumbling while not letting a pen and pad escape my grasp. This must be what it’s like to have schizophrenia. Or at the very least A.D.D.

I am humbled, excited, nervous, excited, scared, excited, and petrified. Through the excitement, however, there is a nagging question in the back of my mind. It’s the question we all have from time to time. (C’mon – you know the voices talk to you, too!) The question is simply this:

“Am I good enough? Can I really do this?”

Recently I discovered Brene Brown on Ted Talks and was very moved by her talk on vulnerability. You can watch the talk here:

She discusses how innovation and creativity are born from a place of vulnerability. Dan Rather was quoted as saying that “courage is being afraid but going on anyhow”. These two ideas precisely demonstrate how I feel about this new endeavor. How does anyone know if they are “good enough” if they aren’t willing to exert some risk?

Here’s to taking a risk, learning new things, accepting new challenges while accepting myself in the process!


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