My Beautiful Boy

I didn’t have a clue
what was going on inside of you.
We didn’t understand, we couldn’t see
that it wasn’t you, or him, or even me.

It just is.

I sit here looking at this pile of paper
Being asked to describe you and all your behavior

It’s frustrating not knowing
but, like you, the fear kept growing

Looking for a label
yet not wanting one, not really
it’s all just a little bit silly

In my mind I know help is what we need
but then that means I have to admit
that something is “wrong” and we have to proceed…

I remember all the times
you were afraid and we didn’t know.
I’ve had to let the guilt go.

In my mind I still see you as that baby boy
and until you I never knew such joy
I despise words like “different” and “normal”
As much as I dreaded making that call.

We’ve already seen kids take a second glance
Not understanding, or perhaps wondering
If something was “not quite right”,
or parents who have questioned our parenting.

Taking a moment to digest
be ticked off, angry, and heartbroken
then we’ll move on and do what is best

You are a fighter, as are we
We will always be behind you, as you will see.
There really isn’t any other choice
and for now, we will be your voice.

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