Today was a rough one. Not for any particular reason…just weepy, over-emotional, overwhelmed, missing my Hawaii peeps, missing the hubbs, church this morning was spot on, and oh yeah, I’m a woman! Ha!
After church and braving the grocery store for ONLY FIVE items that inevitably turned into 25 – I felt a little blah despite the sun making a seemingly rare appearance. The kiddos and I puttered around the yard, picking some weeds, Hannah picking some radishes that weren’t quite ready yet, me fixing my little garden “fence” after Hannah tore it out, digging the wormy strawberries out of Hannah’s mouth – you know, the usual! Jake was riding his “monster truck” (aka – the Dora quad):
and while not an unproductive day…I just felt antsy and kind of blue. Last weekend’s half marathon was one of the worst races for me as far as my mental self talk was concerned. The time was fine, especially considering the conditions, the fact that the hubbs left 2 days later, etc. It just was a tough one mentally. Usually my races like that start out great – lots of race energy and adrenaline. The first 2-3 miles usually FLY by. And while some miles are tougher than others, you muddle through those until you come to the miles that bring the endorphin high where you feel you are soaring and don’t ever want to stop. It’s like body and mind and spirit are completely peaceful even while thinking all kinds of thoughts. I feel on top of the world, making eye contact with another runner, encouraging each other with a simple smile and a wave and all is right with the world.
None of this really happened last weekend. The rain kept running into my hat and down my face. Looking at other runners I saw the same trudging-on-but-I’m-really-not-into-it-today looks. After the first mile I was asking myself, “Why the heck do I do this again?” Oh yeah, cause it helps me stay sane and it’s cheaper than anti-depressants according to my friend Nina!! 🙂 And she’s right! There is a “losing myself” and clearing my mind that I don’t get any other way.
I felt defeated with the race. I have been working out, but I know I can go harder. And my cardio days have been virtually non-existent, due to a sprained toe in part, but mostly laziness. I get caught up with the kids, they don’t want to ride in the stroller or the weather is crap blah blah excuse excuse blah blah blah.
What would my Hawaii self tell my Washington self? Probably something like this:
“Stop being such a whiney baby. If you don’t like the way it’s going – DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You know what to do. Don’t gain a bunch of weight back and use the damn deployment as an excuse!! (yeah, I swear at myself sometimes! 😉 Seriously! People you know do this with 4 and 5 kids. Get a grip! And get moving!”
So I got on my treadmill and ran a couple of miles. It felt SO good to sweat and just run without thinking about time or distance. Sure, I had to stop and break up a couple of kid fights, and peel Jake out from under the treadmill because he “just wanted to look at how it works”. But I got my sweat on and that’s what I needed to do to make my sour lemon attitude into some refreshing lemonade!