So I have a, shall we say, love/rage relationship with the commissary. Here on the island it is by far the most economical place to shop. It does have its drawbacks though: EVERYONE and their mother is there on the same day since department of defense employees all get paid ON THE SAME DAY. The produce can be very lacking in terms of quality. And there is a very weird smell in the fish section. Yuck.

Well today I left my brain at the house and decided to brave it – on payday. Did I mention it was crowded? Oy. So I’m behind two ladies in the produce section waiting very impatiently for my crack at the red peppers. Meanwhile, both of my children seem to turn into octopi the instant we walk through the sliding doors grasping at every carefully arranged pile of fruit just threatening to create a lovely spectacle just for me to clean up! So back to the peppers and the ladies having a very in depth conversation (who knew bell peppers were so dang fascinating?!) completely oblivious to my impatience. So I spy a stray red pepper in the green pepper section and I grab it thinking, “okay, I’ll just grab that one and be on my way” – when suddenly out of nowhere,this “lady” SLAPS MY HAND and says “nananana!” or something. It really sounded like some kind of primal pepper scream! REALLY!? Apparently the green peppers are the holding area for this lady’s red pepper selections.

Based on years of obtaining food for my family, as well as my personal pet peeves (aka rage inducers), let me just offer a few words of advice to my fellow grocery getters:

1. If you see a mom in the store struggling with her kids – she is in fact struggling and REALLY does not want or need your look of disdain that plainly says she is doing it all wrong. As moms, we think we are getting it wrong half the time anyway. Your look helps no one.

2. Be aware. When traveling down an aisle – STICK TO YOUR SIDE! There are other people trying to get through and yes, you are in the way!

3. I love looking at ingredients and discovering new product, but does it need to take you an hour to read the bag of marshmallows? It’s sugar. Put the bag down you don’t need it and move on!

4. Watch where your cart is. My heels and my rear do not appreciate being biffed and bashed. (Although a case may be made for not seeing my rear as it has shrunk considerably! 😉

5. There will be enough meat. Knocking me down to get that t-bone really isn’t necessary. Maybe the 500 other packs of steaks are somehow invisible.

6. When my kid is having a meltdown, please don’t offer to “help” or give advice. Mostly it just makes it worse.

7. Don’t park your motorized ride-on cart in front of 3 doors of milk while you peruse your shopping list. Really?!

8. Do you really need to inspect (and by inspect, I mean touch, finger, and massage) every piece of produce after I just watched you not-so-discreetly pick your nose! Gross!

9. Definitely do not tribal scream at me and slap my hand! A bell pepper is simply not worth me giving you a beat down! (and I could’ve totally taken her! I’ve been working out you know!)

10. And finally, to the very kind lady at the checkout – thank you so much for saying how beautiful my children are. You made my day!! And after I got slapped, I really needed that!! 😉


One thought on “Commissary”

  1. I still can't believe this woman slaps your hand over a pepper? Geez…But your list has me laughing and saying "YES" all at the same time! I have a #11 to add though. For some reason every single store I enter with kids in tow, inquiring minds want to know the ages of my kids, where the blonde hair comes from, where is Dad (really?), who watches them when I'm working (hu?), to compare my size family to someone they know with a large size family and to assess how many boys and how many girls, what kind of car we fit in, etc. It's all kind, "normal" questions and banter that I might wonder about too if I were in their shoes looking at me…but I wish they understood that my window to get in and out of the store with everything on my list (and without any sort of breakdown, diaper needing to be changed or convincing the "octupi" that we don't need this or that) is very, very short! And if I stop to chat and answer questions, my sea monkeys will quickly become restless and bored and there goes my day at the store. I don't know if others with less than 5 kids have the same issue, but it can be difficult to excuse myself from the questions every other curious person…and without coming across rude or flustered. I just need to keep moving so I can get in and out without incident. No 20 questions in the store please! hahaSarah


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