So lately I’ve been in a funk. I’m so thrilled with the progress I’ve made and the wonderful experiences with fitness I’ve had over the last 6 months. As I approach my goal weight and learn to live in a space of maintenance, I find myself frustrated. Mentally, I’ve been frustrated with a couple of my workouts, not being able to do the things that just last month I did no problem. I also haven’t been able to get the dang scale to move in a month. I feel like I’m backsliding. And then the familiar voice in the back of my head says stupid crap like, “Ah, screw it. Who cares? Eat the crap. You’re getting ready to move soon. Look how far you’ve come, you can cheat a bit.” And the excuses start rolling.
Swimming is mentally throwing me for a loop. As I’ve mentioned I’m not Michael Phelps. I can swim well enough to save my life and perhaps the life of my child, but that’s about it. And I’m all signed up for another biathlon. I wouldn’t say that things come easy to me, but usually when I try something new, I don’t get this frustrated because the progress usually happens a bit faster. Sunday I went for a practice swim and the water was CHOPPY to say the least. I think I swallowed half of the ocean. I was spitting salt all afternoon. And I quit. I stopped swimming and gave up. I was distracted too because the kiddos and hubbs were there, but still I just quit. I sat on the beach and watched my battle buddy finish her practice.
I despise being a quitter. And I hate it when I can’t figure out how to do something.
So the next day I hit the pool to work with the kickboard and get some laps in so I can attempt to get this breathing/stroking/timing thing down. I didn’t quit, I kept at it and did the laps I set out to do. I didn’t feel like very much headway was gained, so I signed up for my first swim lesson. I’m looking forward to it. I know I only have a couple of weeks until the biathlon, and really with the move, I know my time is running short.
Ultimately, my only goals for this biathlon are:
1. to not drown (or be eaten by sharks)
2. to not be last
3. to beat my first biathlon time
So with all this, plus the looming move on the horizon, I just don’t want to quit. I don’t want to leave the island knowing I could have done just a bit more. In our bootcamp class, our instructor always talks about how when she counts down the last 5-10 seconds of say a plank position for example, some people give up and break the pose. And then she screams, “WHY WOULD YOU QUIT WITH ONLY 5 SECONDS LEFT??!!” (I have been the person she screams that at by the way. Not my favorite.) I have to make the choice to give it all until the very last moment. Hold the plank, do the skiiers and up and overs until the last count, go faster, go harder, get stronger.
I can’t just give up because we are moving locations. That’s an excuse to fail.
I don’t want to fail.
I like the way I feel, I love the things I’ve been able to do. I can’t go back to having no energy and being exhausted at 9 am everyday.
Frustration is bound to happen, and can be worked through. Quitting though – quitting is not an option.
I am not a quitter.