Happy Birthday Jacob! 

My kid is 7 today. My “On this day” Facebook feed is me every year exclaiming how “I can’t believe he’s ___ years old already!” Time is such a fluid concept both rocketing so fast and crawling by simultaneously.

7 years ago I became a mother. Parenthood changes us, beeaks us open to a different version of ourselves. It’s hard to imagine life before these little people, these ones we feel like we’ve known all our lives the minute we meet them. I remember thinking, “Oh! There you are. I’ve been looking for you and didn’t even realize I was searching.”

7 years. I’m going to blink and it will be 7 more. For now, I’m going to revel in this day.

Happy 7th birthday Jacob!

  

  

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Happy Birthday Jacob!

Here we are again, another year has past
and I’m sitting here thinking it went by so awfully fast.

This turning six is a big deal
“I should be treated as a grown-up!”
is how you say you feel.

And while you feel you’re good as grown
I’ll have to stop you right there
I am just not ready,
nope, no where near prepared.

It’s time to just slow down a bit
Take the moment and savor it.
Looking back over the year of you
A move, new house and starting school, too.

Lots of changes came your way
Reading, writing and ‘rithmetic
And lots and lots of play!

You love your new teacher
Her color system works the best
Getting purple or staying on green
is your daily quest

You love Monopoly
And have caught on so quick
We play and you beat us all
We need to learn your trick!

You love to chase the dog around
He likes to chase you, too
Playing fetch and giving loves
Is what you (both) like to do!

I can’t imagine a single day
Without a Jacob in it
I love you birthday boy
And your charming spirit!

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Jacob

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It’s quiet all around
as we celebrate you
Our family and friends start to arrive
Comfy in your pjs, in your gifts you’re ready to dive!

This year you said “Batman”
so that is what we did
Blue, black and yellow
You are such a fun big kid!

You are 5 today and every year
I say “I can’t believe how fast”
But really!?
Has ANOTHER year already past?!

A bit mischievous, funny
And ridiculously smart
Often it’s hard to keep a straight face
And do my “parenting part”.

Laughing and rough house,
Hide and seek and boo!
Pillow fights and “let’s scare dad!”
Is what you love to do!

Oh little man, how I love you so
You have taught us both more than you’ll ever know
You are 5 today and it’s just the start
It’s true that kids simply take your heart

You have taken mine, sweet little boy
There was never a doubt
That though you stole my heart
You are someone I could never live without.

Hope this will be a day to remember
A day filled with laughter, friends, and fun
Happy birthday Jacob Levi
Love Daddy, Hannah, and I.

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For Just This Moment

For just this moment I want to cry. I want to be mad. I want to scream.

Like any other doctor appointment, I come with my emotional armor.  I’ve been through this what seems like a thousand times before; I get my hopes up that this time, this time, it will be fine. He won’t freak out. He will just do as he’s asked, nothing will hurt, there’ll be no tears. There’s only been 1 appointment like that in the last 5 years. I was on cloud nine for a week after that day. I thought we might be turning a corner. After repeated meltdowns, we’ve come to the conclusion that our son is just a person for whom the world can be scary, he doesn’t like people touching him, and textures and tastes freak him out. It’s just the way it is. We’ve learned to manage it. And dread doctor visits.

We wait in the office with everyone else waiting their turn to see the ophthalmologist, the kids are happily playing with assorted children’s toys on the floor. I am gearing myself up for a tantrum, like so many before. Gray haired ladies smile sweetly at the kids.

His name is called and we head back to an exam room. I can already see him looking at the equipment and sizing up the experience  of whether or not he should be afraid. I assure him there will be no shots.

The doctor does some vision tests and it becomes evident that he cannot see out of one eye. He wants to do some further testing – the kind that require the dilation eye drops. One full-on meltdown later, eye drops in, we are walking to a little area waiting for his pupils to enlarge. He curls up in my lap and I rub his back. He’s tired. I’m tired. God bless my daughter being easily entertained by the toys again. More examination, bright lights, eye tests and despite my son’s best efforts to kick the doctor in the groin, the same conclusion is made: he really can’t see out of one eye. This is serious.

Words are mumbled in Charlie Brown teacher language that we’ll be referred to a pediatric clinic in Seattle for further testing to confirm. He can’t see out of one eye. Something about optic nerve apathy. The doctor asks me if I have any questions for him.

I have so many questions but my mouth has gone dry and I can’t form words.

“Is there something I missed? Could I have seen this coming?” Doc reassures me that my son may not have known anything was different, it may have been this way his whole life, and we are only seeing it now because his eye has started drifting, which is what prompted this appointment. The doctor also says that aside from being a pilot, there’s not much he wouldn’t be able to do, but this isn’t something that can be fixed through glasses or surgery. There really isn’t much to be done, other than wait for the confirmation with the specialist.

So for now, we wait.

For this moment, I am mad. This is an ouchie I can’t soothe. I can’t fix it, I couldn’t have prevented it. It just is. I’m not a person to cry out, “Why me?!” or “Why our son?” because really, why not? Crap happens. Life can be difficult and tragic. It’s not always fair. There are far worse things in the world than not being able to see out of one eye.

I get all of this.

But for now, for right now, I’m sad and I’m mad. I want to kiss his little drifting eye and make it all better.

For now, we wait.

I Love You Jacob, by Mommy

I love You Jacob, by Mommy

I love you Jacob because you are my sweet, sweet little man. I love the way when we are walking you still like to hold my hand.

I love you Jacob because you talk and talk and talk (and talk some more!), telling me about all of the things that you adore.

I love you Jacob because you have learned so rapidly, “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me” you now use so happily.

I love you Jacob because you are loving preschool this year, ABC’s and 123’s, you’ll be reading before long my dear.

I love you Jacob because you are a great big brother. When you show her how much you love her, it sort of makes me blubber!


I love you Jacob because you love to read (especially books that rhyme!), Dr. Seuss, and you and me – I’d say that’s sublime!

I love you Jacob because you are no longer three – three has been a bit hard on me, you see. It started out so quietly. But after this year, I might need some psychiatry!  (All joking aside, I have to say, I wouldn’t want you any other way.)

I love you Jacob because you are who you are without apology, I admire that about you – that special quality. The focus and spirit that you possess, will no doubt bring you much success.

I love you Jacob because you are turning four. We are opening a brand-new door and I just can’t wait to see what’s in store!

Happy Birthday my dear sweet Jacob!

Wowee!!! Jacob is 3!!!

Well our baby just turned 3! Can hardly believe it! I got a few shots of Hannah playing in the backyard before the festivities began!!

 

 Playing ball!!
 Jake really doesn’t care for cake and doesn’t like frosting at all….
 So we made a chocolate chip cookie party!! Jake got a giant cookie with his name spelled out in chocolate chips!! (Which Eric made by the way! GO DAD!!)
 We had a great time with Cars themed plates and decorations….
 And friends to help us celebrate!!

 

 Hannah even got into the action!

 

CHEESE!!!!
Jake had a good time, but doesn’t really get what birthdays are about so we basically celebrated the fact that 3 years ago we became parents…..and, as our good friend Kim said, we found purpose.
Well said.
Happy birthday Jacob! We love you!