Not only was the subject of friendship a WordPress Daily Prompt today, but it’s something that I’ve been mulling over the past few weeks. Last weekend I had the pleasure of running a 5-miler with a dear friend who I haven’t seen outside of cyberspace in 6 months – entirely too long! Catching up with her was such a gift and 5 miles never flew by so fast! We chatted about all things parenting and motherhood; how the house is never as clean as we’d like, the differences between racing pre-kids and post-kids, lack of time, how it takes longer than one might expect to find your ‘new normal’ as a mother, breastfeeding woes, and how everyone else seems to be doing it better. I mentioned that if someone cares more about how your place looks when they come to visit, perhaps they should be shown the door. She looked at me as we were running and said, “Thank you for being a REAL friend. I don’t have to pretend with you.”
That sentiment was probably one of the most touching compliments I have ever received in my life.
Honestly, I just don’t have time to be anything but real. What you see is what you get. Most days, I don’t wear make up. I love yoga pants and workout clothes. I love to laugh, really laugh – guffaw and bend over and let ‘er rip! When I cry – it’s usually of the full-on ugly, soul cleansing variety. My hair is in a pony/bun conglomeration more often than not. I love all things touchy-feely, emotional, self-improvement, empowering and fist-pumping. The real stuff of life.
I have been blessed by wonderful friendships, mostly due to our military life. The friends you make while moving every few years aren’t like any other friendships. No one in your life, try as they might, can truly understand it’s like, what is required, and what kind of support is needed, than a fellow milspouse.
It’s hard, to be sure. If you’re leaving in two to three years, why be real? Why let your guard down? Why get invested when you know it’s only temporary? We hate the inevitable “fair winds, following seas/goodbyes/see you laters”. We all hope to stay connected, but in the back of our mind we understand that some relationships are for a specific time, even if that’s not by choice or how we’d like it to go down, sometimes it just does. It’s hard to maintain true intimacy over the miles. The web makes it easier – but we kid ourselves to believe it’s the same. We miss the day-to-day details of life. Instead we have to be content with the highlight reels until we meet again. If making friends as an adult is like dating, saying goodbye is the worst kind of breakup.
Why risk being real?
Because it’s worth it. Even though your heart breaks, it’s always worth it. To the degree that saying goodbye sucks, it is to the same degree that being authentic and truly yourself is a breathtakingly beautiful experience. I would not be the person I am today were it not for the real and honest friendships made along the way.
Reach out. Take the risk. Show up. Be kind. Be real.
It’s always worth it.
2 thoughts on ““Real” Friends”
Very much agree with this! As for being a military wife with all the moving – I don’t envy that aspect of life – and the having to make new friends as you move about. I have a friend from childhood who is one and she says sometimes people end up moving with you which is nice (ie: if you are Army, there are certain career tracks that tend to take you to the same bases etc…), but I think it still must get lonely. That said, I think that probably just makes it more important to be genuine in your friendships – in order to find those good friends that everyone needs.
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