Crap Week

Grit is something we military spouses have in spades, whether we want it or not.

Facing another deployment, I’m finding that they never get easier. It’s so easy to talk about deployments in abstract terms when living shore duty life. We make plans and assure ourselves that the kids will be fine, we’ll get through it, no biggie. We’ve done it before.  Then promptly push the thought immediately out of our minds because we know the time will come and it’s just too damn hard to think about, so we put the thought in the “later” box.

Later is now and the box is being ripped open.

The platitudes of “you just get stronger” sound hollow and tinny. I’ve written about the positives of deployment and the first time experience with kids, but I am smack dab in the middle of crap week (the week right before they leave where life just sucks because you know the painful “fair winds” and “see you soons” are merely days away and you keep trying not to think about it, but you can’t and did I mention it sucks?) and I don’t feel very positive.

So I’m riding the crap wave. It looks like this:

I will get back to the pulling up my big girl britches, but right now they are scratchy and chafing.

In an effort to feel the feels and just get through it, (as opposed to stuffing feelings and numbing out, neither of which are helpful in the long term) I made a sappy playlist. Music is therapy in many ways and why not just wallow in the awfulness for just a bit? Then I get sick of my sad self and move on with said big girl britches firmly in place. Here’s what I got:

• Tonight I Wanna Cry – Keith Urban
• Come Home Soon – SheDaisy
• I Have Nothing – Whitney Houston
• Never Tear Us Apart – INXS
• Stay – Sugarland
• Stay With Me – Sam Smith
• Hurts – Emile Sande
• Everybody Hurts – REM
• Hearts a Mess – Goyte
• Ship to Wreck – Florence + the Machine
• I Can’t Stop Thinking About You – Sting
• Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor
• As Long As You Love Me – Justin Bieber
• All I Want to Do – Sugarland
• Can I Be With You – Todd Agnew
• I Try – Macy Gray
• A Little More – Machine Gun Kelly
• Lose Yourself – Eminem
• Shatter Me – Lindsey Stirling
• Praying – Ke$ha
• Take U There – Skrillex & Diplo
• Shake it Out – Florence + the Machine
• Rise Up – Imagine Dragons
• Rise – Eddie Vedder
• Faith – George Michael
• You are the Best Thing – Ray LaMontagne
• Circles – I see MONSTAS
• Bird Set Free – Sia
• Alive – Sia
• Help Me Run Away – St. Lucia
• Whatever It Takes – Imagine Dragons
• (I like it When You) Smile – Harry Connick, Jr.
• It’s a Great Day to Be Alive – Travis Tritt
• Lay Down and Dance – Garth Brooks
• Unstoppable – The Score

Yeah, there are some gems and guilty pleasures in there. What songs would you add to a sad therapy playlist? What helps you get through deployments and the crappy transitions weeks just before departure?