Doubt

Who doesn’t?

About parenting, about what I want to be when I grow up, about life choices. I think we all wrestle with doubt. The big one, though? The big one for me is about faith. I have nagging doubts about faith all the time.

I don’t doubt that there is a GOD. I have had too many personal experiences to not believe in a higher being. But what about church attendance every single Sunday? Am I a bad Christian because I just don’t feel like putting on the mask of make-up, a nice outfit and a plastered on smile to make small talk? Sometimes I feel like worship music is so saccharine, so put on. Is it better than chanting? I don’t know. Does it even matter? What about specific religions? What if Christians have it wrong? What if the way the churchy language turns me off is for a reason? I believe in Jesus. I believe He is the personal savior that died for my sins. Other religions don’t make sense to me. But what if I’m wrong? What if we have it so wrong that if Jesus were here he would not recognize the people who claim Him as their own?

The doubt is always there.

As a person who craves certainty, a nailing down of what is, doubt scares the shit out of me. The Bible says that there will be people who think they know God, but he will not know them. That seriously freaks me out.

You spend your whole life thinking you are worshiping at the feet of the creator of the universe to have it wrong?! Help my unbelief!