I remember rolling over and feeling numb. It was surreal to think that I had actually done what I thought I could never do, but had desired for longer than I realized. I thought that it felt like what divorce must feel like in a way.
I ended a 25 year friendship.
We had grown up, gone to school and started families together. As best friends, we had so much in common. We were also very different in many ways. I had come to realize that shared history and similar lives didn’t necessarily make for a healthy relationship. Competition, jealousy, and passive-aggressiveness have no place for authentic growth.
I wasn’t angry.
I was tired. I was done. I wished her no ill-will. I just needed out.
We’d had an awkward conversation on the phone the day before rehashing the latest incident of hurt. I ended the call by saying, “Ok. I got it.” If I know the rules I can play the game, I thought. But, really? I was through playing. I wanted to take my toys and go home.
Did being in a relationship with someone really have to be this hard? There had to be authentic, real friends out there (even for an introvert) that didn’t feel so damn difficult.
I pushed the covers back over the bed and headed to the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror seeing clearly that it was going to be okay, I smiled shyly at myself considering my bravery. It was a courageous thing to choose difficult over comfortable and familiar.
I had finally chosen.
via Daily Prompt: Vivid