The Boat

It’s ugly here right now. More often than not I feel like the father in Mark 9:24 “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!” I go from being so sure, to being completely uncertain and shaken. I’m sort of, just…numb.

There’s so much hate. So much anger and rage.

Just like there has always been, I suppose. The difference is we hear it all the time. It’s beaten into our ears with our 24 hour news cycle and imprinted for our eyes to hungrily feast on anytime we look at our screens. Our hearts and spirits are broken. We are so broken. I don’t know how to explain things to my children. So I don’t. I may be wrong by shielding them, but selfishly, I’d like to preserve their innocence just a little bit longer.

How much longer will it be like this? You said that we “will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that [we] are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom.” It’s hard to not be alarmed. To not be scared. Is what I’m doing enough? Is raising children to be kind, patient, loving and productive adults going to be enough? Is helping people workout their physical health serving a greater good? I’d like to believe it does. But, I’m not always so sure.

In church today our pastor spoke of Peter in the boat. He called out to you, “Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water,” and you said, “Come” but the minute he shifted focus from you and saw the wind – he sank. Our focus has to be you.

The boat is like life. We can be in this cushy comfortable “boat” and say, “I follow you” but you aren’t in the boat, are you? You are outside the safe and the comfortable. You aren’t in the nice cars and the polished exteriors. You don’t only reside in the nicer part of town. What you ask of us is scary. It scares me. Am I really willing to go deeper? Life is scary outside the boat. Making my beliefs match my actions is so hard. All the dramas, the petty things and the minutiae of life shift my focus all the time.

All. the. time.

I want to radically follow. Help my unbelief. Help me push through the fear. Help me not get sidetracked by crap that is of no lasting significance.

I know sitting shocked and marveling at the injustice of the world, remarking about how awful things are right now is doing nothing to change it. Being distracted by angry words and watching virtual word battles between sides of all manner of issues helps no one. So I will turn away from the ugly. I will turn towards you.

And step outside this boat.




5 thoughts on “The Boat”

  1. Oh my gosh…I loved this and I know many people feel the same way you do. During WW2, the networks were not allowed to show actual pictures of dead soldiers. Your President at the time felt that this was why so many Americans were detached from the reality of exactly what was being sacrificed for your country. He gave the go ahead for footage of D Day to be broadcast as he felt this would bring reality home to the American public. It did the trick. Unfortunately, today we are bombarded with all sorts of disgusting images and I fear we have become inured to it. I don’t the answer to what ails us. Yes us. The US is not the only country embroiled in what appears to be a melt down.

    What you write about, though, is a start…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s so hard to know where that balance is – too much inundation of the scary/violent/trauma or none at all. I think we in the U.S. tend to be more “comfortable Christians” or say we believe, do the “church” thing on Sunday, so long as it doesn’t interfere with our week and “real life”. I know I’ve been this way, too. It’s hard. It’s a lot of hard stuff.

      As always, thank you for your thoughtful response Gail! Love hearing your feedback!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Holy sh!t! Wow, wherever you wrote this from, that place is AMAZING. (Not to say that you always aren’t but this is different today. And I freaking love it.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ❤️😄Church was awesome this morning, the work with you I’ve been doing, I had a really cathartic spin class yesterday – choosing a playlist that spoke to me about current events – it all sort of came together ❤️ And as usual, I was really hesitant to hit publish 😬


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