Spiking My Coffee

There are days. And then there are those kind of days.

Slightly drowsy from last night’s cold medicine, I was suddenly jolted awake as the warm pee seeped onto my side of the bed. “Gonna be a good day!” I thought to myself. “Cause it can only get better from here!” Ever the Positive Polly, I loaded up my arms and headed to the laundry room. Plopping the peeing offender into a bath, I got the other minion dressed and fed and then got myself assembled to head to the gym.

Luckily for me, I glanced at the preschool calendar before I stepped out of the house because, SURPRISE! It’s our snack day today! We are celebrating Hannah’s non-birthday! Yippee! (Our preschool has birthday celebrations for the kiddos with summer birthdays.) Fantastic idea, and as a summer birthday person myself, I often lamented not being a “cool kid” that brought the yummy treats to share with my class.  Good thing we were a bit early – cause it was time to hit the grocery store for non-birthday treats.

Despite the level of snot that was attempting to escape my sinuses, I managed to get through leg day, shower, and pick up the kiddos from school. Hannah became enraged by her inability to “beat me” in the seatbelt buckling race I didn’t know I had signed up for, and threw a prize-winning tantrum. The screams were awesome, from “I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND” to “I DON’T WANT TO TAKE A NAP!” and my personal favorite, “I HAVE STOPPED CRYING!!” All while scream-crying and kicking and practicing for the Oscar that she is sure to win someday.

At decibel levels no human should have to endure, we head home. When we were pulling up our road, she peed. In her pants. In her carseat.

At this point, I have a choice. I can either go to bed and as Bill Cosby always threatened “let them have the house”, or I can try to get them to take a nap after lunch. I attempted for an hour. No go. After an hour and a half of reading kid books the only person I’ve successfully made drowsy is myself.

I am making the executive decision to wear these kids out. As I type this, they are putting on their coats and rain boots and I’m going to run them all over our neighborhood. I’m going to run them to the playground. I’m going to chase them until they beg for mercy. Luckily for me, I’ll get to go for a run and burn a few calories myself. But my primary mission is to make. them. tired. Like 6:30-7pm bedtime tired.

Wish me luck!

These are the days when I wonder why I don’t spike my coffee.